The Anti-Networking Guide To Making Real Friends [WRAP 199]
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Hey Reader, I’m on a flight back from Austin thinking about a question I got asked: “How did you build such a diverse network? You’ve met and made friends with a musician, writer, branding expert, YouTuber, entrepreneur, doctor, researcher, and people who make jeans, bags, and boots.” Here’s the thing… I wouldn’t say it’s been intentional. I like finding cool people doing cool things that I want to meet up with. And those meetups become friendships that last a long time. We trade business contacts, throw parties, talk about our kids, and stay in touch. But I kept thinking about the question and how I would explain how I think about “networking” and relationships. Networking gets a bad rap because it sounds transactional—but it sound like you’re having an affair if you go to a “relationshipping” event. I gave it more thought and came up with these steps for going from “Who is this person” to “Oh Matt’s in town I’m gonna make it a point to see him”. When I see someone doing a cool thing online, I’ll often send a DM. Something simple like “Hey really enjoyed your post/video/podcast because it made me think about this thing.” Obviously be specific about the thing, but this is a good start. Make it all about your enjoyment of his or her work. I’ll keep this up for a while, and don’t make any real mention of what I do unless the person asks me. Everyone likes hearing nice things about what they do, so it’s easy to send these DMs—but it can also be replies and comments. Not everything has to go down in the DMs, but I’ll always send at least one. Next step is to find some way to help promote them. It could be sharing a newsletter, video, podcast, book, or whatever—to your own network or newsletter. Sometimes I’ll make a point of telling the person, but not always. It shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to use his content as a way to low-key promote your own content back to them. Next is to try and connect in person. Coffee meetup is the standard, but people are getting more wary of this and they understandably value their time. So instead of making it a one-on-one meetup, make it a bigger group. This is easier in cities, but for example if I’m in Austin I’ll host a meetup at coffeeshop or brewery and invite friends and people I’m trying to connect with. It takes the pressure off people to know it’s a public place they can dip out of if it’s not their jam. This is really important. If someone gets to your meetup and doesn’t want to stay, it’s easier to leave a group than a one-on-one. Ok now we’re getting to bigger stakes. One thing I’ve done several times in the past is pay for a person’s time—like a coaching call. Yes to learn from them but also to give them a chance to interact with me. Now if I’m in their town or going to the same conference, it’s easy to contact him or her and say “Would be great to meet in person”, they already know who I am. By the way, events like conferences are a hack for building a network. A lot of the people you want to connect with are in the same place! Yes there’s a cost, but relative to the relationship building opportunity it’s a great trade-off if you can swing it. One last thing: if you want to make a good impression and raise your profile with this person—act like a pro. This could mean starting a podcast and making sure it looks and sounds good. Nice mic, good lighting, camera, etc. Or in my case this week, it means hiring a videographer for half a day so I can “look like I do this all the time”. This made a good impression at Chisos Boots and Imogene + Willie. Instead of being a guy setting up his tripod everywhere, I had a guy on the camera so I could focus on the story—like a pro would. I understand there are levels to this—as the kids say—but there’s something in here for everyone as you build a network. But I’d boil it down to these elements.
The last thing is to be patient. The first person I remember having coffee with in this creator world was Jeff Goins back in 2011. 15 years later, Jeff is a good friend and I’ve made countless more by (subconciously) following these steps. Here’s what I’ll leave you with though. To me, there’s not a “system” to building a network—because you’re building relationships. And those take time, trust, and a willingness to give without expectation of return. Next week we’ll start the end of year WRAP series with my top 10(ish) books of the year. Here’s the schedule through early January.
Thanks for reading the WRAP, crazy to think next week is 200! Talk soon, Matt |